holidays

WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE? (AND CHANGE THE BABY’S DIAPER?)

It’s almost here, folks! Valentine’s Day: the hallmark holiday filled with cutout hearts, chocolates galore, witty candy hearts, and sexy underthings. A lot of people have a very specific idea of what Valentine’s Day “should” look like since it’s the stereotypical holiday of couples. But it’s no secret that becoming a parent changes everything. From relationships to your daily routine, fatigue level, hobbies (or sometimes lack thereof), alone time, sleep cycle, diet, finances, and all things in between. You just created a whole human being, and it’s hard work! Who has time to stop at Victoria’s Secret when your life is currently consumed by a crying baby, a mountain of dirty diapers, an endless sea of baby clutter, and a little one that feeds around the clock?

For all of you new parents out there looking to cherish or rekindle the romance while also keeping up with the new routine you have finally fallen into, have no fear! 

These are our tips and tricks for having a stellar Valentine’s Day as a new parent:

Keep it Simple If You Need To. 

Take the pressure off. If all you want to do for Valentine’s day is take a nap, THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY.

Self Love.

Whether you have a partner or not, give yourself the gift of self love this Valentine’s Day. You matter and you are important!! Take moments throughout the day to appreciate YOU and how far you’ve come. Not only did you make a tiny human, but you’ve also managed to take care of that tiny human! Congratulations!! Self love and self-appreciation often falls to the way-side for a lot of parents. So this Valentine’s Day, be intentional about acknowledging your needs, making peace with them, and reaching out to your support system to make sure those needs get met. No shame or guilt whatsoever. Self love is all about working towards a healthier you. You deserve to be healthy. Even just honing on one particular aspect of your life that you’ve been neglecting can do wonders for creating a sense of calm and self-appreciation.

Reinvent Romantic Dates.

It’s time to nix the notion that something only counts as “romantic” if it’s a giant gesture with dramatic swelling music, hundreds of roses, shouting from the rooftops, and a fancy restaurant dinner. Especially now that there’s a new baby around, it’s time to mix things up! Romance can absolutely still exist (and be within your budget!) as a new parent. Even amidst the dirty diapers and spit-up. It might just look a little different! A few ideas to try out:

  • A chill movie night with your partner. Even if you only have time for an episode of your favorite TV show, that little bit of quality time with your partner can go a long way. And if you don’t have a significant other, a movie night with friends is just as effective for getting the good feelings flowing 🙂
  • DIY restaurant date. This is a great one if you love the idea of a dinner date but don’t have the resources for a babysitter (or just aren’t ready to take that step yet!). Clean your eating space to set your mind at ease, light a bunch of candles strategically around the room to set the mood, and order some Take-Out to minimize preparation and clean-up. You now have your very own homemade restaurant date.
  • A nap date. Not only will you both be catching up on the Z’s that you need and deserve, but you really can’t go wrong with some good old fashioned big spoon-little spoon cuddle time 🙂
  • A nice cup of something. Whether you’re a tea drinker, coffee drinker, or neither (grab a cup of orange juice!), the time it takes to savor a beverage is plenty of time to just be in each others’ presence and appreciate one another.

It’s the Little Things.

Normalizing everyday romance is so important, and it can really be a godsend when it comes to bringing back some of those ooey-gooey coupley feelings. Small expressions of appreciation can sometimes mean even more than enormous gestures because they show special attention to your partner’s likes, dislikes, daily routines, and what puts them at ease. For example: cleaning the bedroom, doing a load of laundry, bringing your person tea in bed in the morning (or any other beverage/food they enjoy), a massage, or little valentine’s notes all over the house. All of these things let your partner know that you’re thinking about them, care about them, and are cherishing them through every day actions. Especially if your significant other is stressed and you have the ability to take care of something on their To-Do list. That’s one less thing they have to worry about and they’ll likely feel super grateful.

Gift Inspiration.

If you and your Honey are gift-givers, this section is for you! Keep in mind that not all gifts have to be material items, and they certainly don’t have to be expensive.

  • The gift of timeA lot of hobbies and small (but important) forms of self-care often fall through the cracks when caring for a newborn. An amazing gift you can give your partner is the uninterrupted time to do something they love while you watch the baby for an hour or two.
  • The gift of sleep. The same goes for this gift! Your partner will be eternally grateful when you surprise them with the chance to take a nap or sleep in without having to worry about a diaper change.
  • The gift of relaxation. Few things can beat a massage or a relaxing homemade herb bath.
  • A family photo. The early days of raising a baby often fly by faster than we expect. A family photo or photo album of the memories you’ve made with your little one is the perfect way to preserve those beautiful moments.

Sexy Time? Who knows.

If sex is just not on your radar right now (especially if you’re still recovering from a physically and/or emotionally traumatic birth) that is TOTALLY okay. Expressing love and affection in ways that you feel comfortable is all that matters!

But if you ARE feeling in the mood for a little sexy time (solo or otherwise), open up a conversation with your partner ahead of time so you can set time aside to get that need met. And honestly,  if you’re in the mood, why wait until Valentine’s Day? You’ve been exhausted, stressed, and working hard to raise a beautiful new human since the second they were born into the world. Sexual needs are needs too, and you don’t need a Special Occasion as an excuse to get that Big-O. At the same time, it’s super common for parents to feel self-conscious about sex after having just launched a baby out of their bodies. A lot of new parents struggle to feel sexy when their attire consists mainly of  nursing bras, maternity wear, and whatever bodily fluids their baby chooses to eject on them at the time. Plus, the “bounce back” culture of postpartum body standards has brought so much unnecessary anxiety to the lives of new parents. But we’re here to remind you that those expectations are pure garbage. Your body is perfect, sexy, beautiful, and powerful in all of its postpartum glory. It might take some time to get used to your body again (now that you’re its sole occupant), but please don’t let that stop you! Sex and intimacy of all forms can be wonderful for nurturing that spark with your partner and rediscovering what feels good for YOU. Not only will your stress fade away for that period of time in the bedroom, but it’ll also remind you both that you’re individual humans outside of being diaper-changers. So if your partner is game, go get ’em Mama 😉 

Love on Each Other.

If your schedules are conspiring against you and there is absolutely no time for anything other than your normal routine this Valentine’s Day, you can still make the day special by loving on each other. Even if you’re just ships passing in the night. Whether your texting your boo how cute they looked this morning or complimenting them on how they handled the baby’s 2AM meltdown. Never underestimate the power of words, gratitude, and affirmation.

And when all else fails, you can’t go wrong with some classic hugs and kisses 🙂 XOXOXO

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! 🙂 

NEW YEAR’S WISHES

We’re in the home stretch everybody! We have less than 48 hours of 2019 left and we’re heading full speed into the new decade. 🎉🎉

Around this time of year you’ll see tons of social media posts and overhear ample conversations about New Year’s Resolutions. These resolutions are awesome for a lot of people, but for others it can add more pressure to the already pressure-filled job of being a parent. Life and parenting are unpredictable (and quite frankly, exhausting) so it’s easy to fall into a cycle of self criticism if we end up not being able to achieve these New Year’s Resolutions. So this year we’re taking the stress off. 

This year, we have a list of New Year’s Wishes for all of you wonderful parents out there. ✨

In the coming year, we wish you a year filled with:
  • Moments of heart-warming joy. We hope there are moments where you laugh until you can’t breathe, your heart soars with happiness, and where you make memories too beautiful to put into words.
  • Good health for you and your family. May the bad germs/viruses stay away, and may your physical, emotional, and mental health thrive this year!
  • An empowering birth experience. For those of you expecting babies in the year 2020, we wish you a smooth pregnancy and an amazing birth experience. May you be reminded of your own strength and badass-ery! And if things don’t go as planned (which they often don’t), we wish you the strength and adaptability to conquer all of the twists and turns that labor brings. We’re here for you and we know you can do this. 💕
  • Healing. Whether that’s physically from birth, a past injury, or emotionally from the things that ail you and hold you back. We hope that in 2020 you’re able to nourish and nurture your mind/body, take care of yourself in all of the ways that you deserve, and find peace.
  • Being patient with yourself. Parenting is a lot. You are learning and growing. Please be patient with yourself (much like your doulas would be patient with you, or you would be patient with your kiddos) as you go through this journey at your own pace. You’re doing great, we promise!
  • Loving on your body. Because you deserve it. Your body goes through a lot during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. Even if you’re not technically “postpartum” anymore, our bodies are put through A LOT just in every day life. There’s a lot of pressure to look a certain way, and to “bounce back” as quickly as possible after birth. This is your friendly reminder that your body is perfect exactly as it is. You are whole and beautiful exactly as you are.
  • Emotional and physical safety. And with this wish for safety, we hope that you always possess the freedom to be completely and authentically yourself.
  • Reasonable expectations. Because there’s nothing like perfectionism to put a damper on accomplishments big and small. We hope that 2020 is a year of ditching any impossible/harmful expectations you set for yourself, and letting go of comparing yourself to others (especially other parents). Your journey is unlike anyone else’s! Parent however feels right to you.
  • Confidence in your own abilities. And with this confidence, we hope you always carry the knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way.
  • Insurmountable strength and resilience. Whether it’s a minor setback, a slump, or an all-out battle. Sometimes all you can do is hunker down and keep going. If you’re in a low place, we hope the duration is short and that you’re able to find stability and peace soon. For anyone fighting through trauma, mental illness, self doubt, abuse recovery, oppression, isolation, incarceration, and all things in between: we see you, we’re with you, and we care about you.
  • A sense of community, representation, and inclusivity. You are beautifully unique, and your experiences matter. We can’t wish you enough of these three. You deserve to see yourself in others, to find mentors, support, acceptance, and respect wherever you go. Regardless of your socioeconomic status, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, religious beliefs, or ability status, just know that you’ll  always have safety and affirmation waiting here for you at Tree Town Doulas.
  • Recognition and appreciation for your accomplishments. Because you’re amazing, and you deserve to be told that.
  • Financial stability. Along with enough food on the table, clothes that fit, the medical/mental health care you need, the education for you little ones that our future deserves, and the ability to treat yourself every once in a while.
  • Drinking lots of water!! We had to include this one. It’s so important!
  • Balance. Is achieving true balance even possible as a parent? We’ll let you know when we find out. But it’s definitely something to work towards. As parents we tend to spread ourselves too thin and put ourselves on the back-burner. It’s okay to say “no” and to take time for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and for that reason self-care is absolutely vital to parenting. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be able to give more to your little ones and everything/everyone else that you care about.
  • Not sweating the small stuff. Parenting is stressful enough as it is! Knowing when to cut yourself some slack so that you can save your energy for the big stuff is an incredibly underrated form of self care.
  • A rock-solid support system and so much love that you don’t know what to do with it all. Support is everything. And above all else everyone deserves love. Whether it be platonic, familial, altruistic, or romantic love. We wish you bountiful hugs whenever you need them, and we hope most of all that you always know that you’re never alone.
  • Learning, growing, and thriving. Because you deserve more than just to live. You deserve to thrive.
In 2020, we wish you all of these things and so much more. 

 

Thank you to each and every one of you for making 2019 such an incredible year for Tree Town Doulas. As for our journey to come, we look forward to another year of beautiful babies and parents! 🙂 

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR NEW PARENTS

The Holiday Season is now officially in full swing! As we speak, the kiddos are gearing up for their favorite holiday festivities while parents rush around from store to store preparing for the perfect celebration. The holidays are a stressful time as it is, but it’s even more stressful with a new baby or a bun in the oven. Whether you’re fresh out of the hospital, in your second trimester, or months into raising your little one, this blog post is for you! Tree Town Doulas has put together a few tips and tricks for surviving the holidays as a new parent. 

1. Give yourself permission to keep it simple

You may need to let some things go this year. And that’s okay! This one may be hard for those of you who are used to big, beautiful, extravagant holiday celebrations. Parenting in itself is a full time job. When you add a newborn or morning sickness into the mix, parenting becomes two full time jobs. As a new/ pregnant parent your priority right now is taking care of yourself and your baby. Take that extra time to rest and skip out on hosting festivities this year if you need to. There will be other holidays, we promise!

2. Establish your rules/boundaries ahead of time

If you plan on attending family festivities this year, it’s likely that the grand majority will want to hold your baby or touch your baby bump. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying either of these things if you’re comfortable with them! But figuring out your boundaries ahead of time can save you a lot of stress in the moment. Whether you’re completely fine with everyone holding your baby (gives you more time to grab a snack before pumping!) or whether you need your partner to act as a body guard against the bump-touchers and baby-holders. All of these options and everything in between are a-okay as long as you’re feeling comfortable and low stress. You call the shots when it comes to your body and baby, and you never need to feel guilty about that! A couple things to consider:

  • Babywearing – keeps your baby close and calm in overstimulating environments. Plus, if you’re someone who doesn’t want everyone holding your baby, this provides you with a ready-made excuse to keep your little one with you!
  • Washing hands – Another boundary to consider is whether or not you want people to wash their hands before holding your baby.
  • Short and sweet – Would your stress level decrease if you appearance at festivities was brief this year? This can be a great compromise if you want to see your family members, but don’t have the energy to stay for a full-day celebration. Be sure to listen to your body and listen to your baby. 🙂

3. It’s okay to say “No”! 

We can’t say this one enough: It’s okay to say “no” to holiday invitations! If your heart sighs with relief at the idea of spending the holidays curled up on the couch at home, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Give yourself permission to decline invitations. You have a great excuse for avoiding the stress of the holidays. Being pregnant and taking care of a baby is exhausting, so everyone will understand. If they don’t- no worries! There will be other holidays. There is only one you. Plus, they won’t be able to stay mad for long when they see your beautiful new baby 🙂

4. Stay Cozy

Those first few weeks postpartum can be a doozy for any parent. So regardless of the time of year, we always recommend that new parents stay comfy and cozy. Between the sleepless nights and finding a rhythm with your baby, the little things you do to take care of yourself will become extra important during this time. So put on those fuzzy socks, and wear your comfiest hoodie.You deserve it.

5. Plan your baby’s feeding schedule

This is a surefire way to prevent the dreaded Holiday Meltdowns of 2019. Take a moment to write out your baby’s usual feeding times, when they’re more likely to get fussy, and when/if you’ll  need to pump. Keep a copy of this schedule with you, on your phone, or with your partner. If you’re someone who loses track of time easily (most parents start measuring times in terms of “how many times my baby has eaten today” so you’re not alone), set alarms to the times you know your baby will be getting ready to feed. The more you can plan ahead and anticipate when your little one will need that extra attention, the smoother things will go.

6. Prioritize

This is along the same lines as giving yourself permission to keep things simple. Write out a list of things that are important to you during your holiday celebrations. Circle your top 3 and leave it at that. A few examples: decorations, visiting family, gratitude, religious practices (if applicable), food, family traditions. On that list, include a friendly reminder that pre-made food (or even take-out) is a perfectly good food option if you don’t have the time/energy to cook 🙂 For the rest, focus as much as you can on self care, the rhythm you’ve established with your little one, and sleep. For those of you recovering from a cesarean section, this will be especially important!

7. Accept help

This tip goes for parenting in general! Accepting help can be really hard at first, especially if you’re used to being entirely independent. But raising a baby takes a village. A lot of family members and friends will want to help, but don’t know how, so don’t be afraid to delegate! Let your needs be known and allow your friends and family give you a break. You’re recovering from birthing a human, you’ll need a break every once in a while 🙂

8. Online Shopping is your best friend

Anyone who has ever chest/breastfed won’t be surprised at all that producing milk consumes 25% of your body’s energy. In comparison, your brain uses 20%. This explains why you’re so tired all the time! Already, just by producing milk and existing with your brain, that’s almost 50% of your body’s energy already being consumed. After expending so much energy simply by existing, shopping for holiday gifts may feel like an absolutely impossible task. Thank god for the internet. Sit down on that sofa, and order all of those gifts from the comfort of your own home. And when in doubt: Gift Cards 🙂 Take the pressure off where you can. And if you don’t have the energy for gift-giving this year, there is nothing wrong with that either! Which brings us to our last tip:

9. Cut yourself some slack

Things aren’t going to be perfect. Healing from birth can hit parents harder than they expect, whether your birth plan went exactly or not at all as planned. If you had a cesarean section you’ll be recovering from a major surgery on top of all this. So here’s your friendly reminder: recovering and settling into a rhythm are your number one priorities right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Give yourself the gift of peace. It’s okay if you don’t have the energy to host festivities this year. It’s okay to give gifts late, or not at all for that matter! It’s okay to take a break and to take care of yourself. You matter. And you can do this. You’re ALREADY doing it.

We wish you a holiday season filled with love, laughter, joy, and most importantly: SLEEP! 🙂

 

 

LIFE AS A BIRTH DOULA

As Turkey Day passes and autumn turns to winter, we start to welcome all of our holiday babies into the world. 🙂 We have a lot of Tree Town Babies on the way this holiday season!  Some of these cuties we’ve already met, and some we still have yet to meet.

In light of these beautiful babies coming one after the other (starting with a few this past weekend), our doulas were joking around that Birth Doulas have 3 modes: conserve mode, mom mode, and “I’ve just been shot out of a rocket” mode. And it’s true!

You’ll find us in “conserve mode” the weeks leading up to your due date. ✨Any time we’re not checking in with you, you’ll find us sleeping, relaxing at home, practicing self-care to the max, taking long bubble baths, and going to bed early just in case we get that call in the middle of the night. Like trees hibernating during winter, we’re dormant but ready and waiting with anticipation.

You’ll find us in “mom mode” when we pull back your hair for you during labor. 🤱🏻 We’ll combat your doubts with a nurturing kindness, hold you when you have tears in your eyes, remind you of your own strength when you feel like giving up, and hold space with you during the toughest moments of your baby’s birth. You might be too exhausted to believe in yourself, so we’ll do it for you. 

You can find us in “I’ve just been shot out of a rocket mode” whenever there’s an adrenaline rush. 🚀 The second we see the words “I think I’m having contractions” in our text messages is a big one. It’s the the rush we feel when the labor and delivery team hurry in with their trays and umbilical clamps, or when we can see your baby’s head and we’re telling you to give just one more push so that you can meet them. The level of exhilaration is unreal and it feels like being propelled into the stratosphere. 

Then there are the moments for the story books; the flashbulb memories that we don’t forget. 💡 The sound of your baby crying when they enter the world, the first time you look into your baby’s eyes, and the first time it clicks for you that you just birthed a whole human from your own sheer willpower and strength.

All of these moments combined are why we love what we do. We are so honored and unbelievably humbled by each person who invites us to be a part of these life-changing moments.

Thank you to all of you beautiful Tree Town Families. You never cease to amaze us.❤️🌳

 

The most special Thank You to Thressa and Zac for this beautiful photo ❤️

Happy Halloween everyone!!

May your day be filled with laughter, imagination, bountiful candy, endless magic, and more wonderful memories than you can count! 🙂